Track of the hour: Five man electrical band – Absolutely Right

Christmas, for me, was actually better then expected but it didn’t really even feel like Christmas until this morning, due to lack of snow among other reasons. Which is unusual because it’s the Canadian maritimes.

The biggest things I got for Christmas were probably the new keyboard piano and the Mp3 player. I haven’t got a chance to really use either yet but I really want to learn the rest of The entertainer. I know the beginning off by heart already just by playing with the songs on the keyboard.

I also got Gregory Wilson’s On the spot magic. It’s really easy to follow. It explains it really well and it’s very casual and friend. Also the girl he demonstrates some of the tricks too has unbelievably hard nipples. But that’s okay because she’s a horrible actor.

Happy holidays.

Track of the hour: Pink Floyd – Dark side of the moon

Completely Inappropriate  gifts

• Wii’s to a family of amputees.
  The look upon the children’s face as the receive their new Wii will be gratifying enough. To watch them fumble the Wii mote while playing Wii boxing would guarantee enough hilarities for it’s own cable program on Japanese T.V.

• Mp3 players for the deaf.
  Everyone I ask always says they want a new Ipod Nano. So why not bring music to the deaf. Just make sure to point out how much it cost and that you can’t return it.

• Sudoku for the mentally handicapped.
  I don’t know about you but I am a Sudoku fanatic, and I think the mentally handicapped or the politically incorrect “People who wear Mickey Mouse T-shirts” would most appreciate the genius of the Sudoku game. They may not be able to do it but at least they can make paper airplanes out of them. The paper that they’re printed on also has some nutritional value so don’t worry if they decide to eat them.

And the rest:

• Mini-put passes for the blind.
  Not good if you have many windows.
  
  
• Hockey sticks for African Americans
  I’m going to get in trouble for that one.
  
  
• Grand Theif Auto for Bill O’Reilly
  Violence in videos games? Shud up.

• Trampolines for osteoporosis sufferers.
  The cracking noise would be priceless.

• Belgium Chocolates for the diabetic.
  Tell them they’re sugar free.

• Caribians cruise for titanic survivors.
  Leonardo Dicaprio sucked in that.

• Rock climbing for Priapism sufferers.
  Fun but painful to watch.

• Call of duty 3 for traumatized war vets.
  Make sure to turn up the sound on your HDTV

• Lawn Darts for the blind.
  If you hear screams in the other room it’s just the noise they make through the air

• An Xbox 1 for Bill Gates.
  The look on his face would be something that even Bill Gates couldn’t buy.

• Slip and slide for people in wheel chairs.
  They could of course lay down and be slid but that would ruin it.

• Seal skin coat for Pamela Anderson.
  Baby seals if you can manage.

Thanks to Melonmonkey for the Xbox suggestion.
Merry Christmas everyone.

Track of the hour: The Strokes – On the other side

The Wii phenomenon has been astounding. With the new console now on the market anyone with 300 bucks and an ounce of determination can get their hands on one. But as they soon realize apon purchase is the lack of games for the console. Sure there’s Zelda and Red Steel and the cutesy Wii sports collection but eventually the games run out, and though they provide hours of fun the lists of games needs a upgrade. So I The Mighty Ham introduce to you…

Ham’s List of Wii games to be

First game idea:
Boom! Headshot:
A John F Kennedy assassination sim.

You play as Lee Harvey Oswald. At the start of the game you find yourself in a building overlooking the Dealey Plaza with the worst intentions in mind. It would look a bit like Metal Gear Solid and it would require a lot of sneaking. You’d have to find your way to the top of the building before finding the gun you stashed, and then using a mix of hand movements and leg kicks, position the cross and pull. After that, your first mission, the rest of the game would be running from the law and subsequently taking out the whole Kennedy family.

Seen here is a person playing the prototype.

For replay value a Duck Hunt spin off will be added. The more you play it the better your accuracy in the game will increase.

Second game idea:
Bukkake Defender

Similar to quake, it will be a fully three-dimensional FPS* where you will have to get through each level by blasting away enemies with your bukkake powers. The wii mote will allow you to pistol whip your enemies with your bukkake gun. Bukkake Defender will also have a very comprehensive online multiplayer system.

It will have a lot of mini games like Target Practice, where shooting people in their eye would give you double points. To reload find a spot where the baddies won’t interrupt you and wave your Wii Mote up and down to charge the bukkake gun up.

Other mini games would seem very similar to Mario Party games, like one mini game where to win, you have to fill buckets with your bukkake gun and the person who fills the most buckets wins coins and other prizes, which they can use to upgrade their bukkake guns.

List of other mini-games:
Bookakie fighter: A Tekken style fighter.
End Penetration: Use your bukkake guns to break through the back door by repeatedly jabbing your wii mote.
And finally a Wolfenstein tribute which you unlock by ‘beating’ the game.

*First Person Skeeter

Track of the hour: Metric – To little to late

So why not join in right? It’s not like this will ever be read though, and even if it is it will most likely be a scantly brief speed read. With every comment self satisfaction is greatened, so if I only get 1 or 2 what harm is done. So here I go hopping on the contagious anal-sex bandwagon of the internet, hoping to gain superficial popularity through a commentary which nevertheless will be updated once a blue moon. But hey. At least its not myspace am I right?

Track of the hour: Of Montreal – Disconnect the dots